Update #1 on Stubborn Teenager

While my son was still at his low point, I searched for a psychologist. That search went unheard, I had no idea how extremely difficult it is to find one for a child. In the meantime, my son's favorite hobby and its upcoming state event pulled him back around. He knew if he wanted to go, he would have to get the grade up passed an F. In a short time, he was happier and he brought the grades up. I let him go to the event with a promise he needs to continue to improve. I also told him he needs to apologize to my boyfriend on his own terms. My son pretty much flat out said "FU" but it was an indirect conversation that meant the same thing.

He is still in the talking stages of a job, a car, etc. I told him he needs to make the effort to do those things and show real desire to do and have those responsibilities and freedoms, I am not going to hold his hand like a small child and have him do them when he is obviously not ready yet.

I see short term improvement.

Again, about a month later - end of March; he is returning to his original thoughts and plans that he liked and wanted to do. It all seemed to balance itself out so far.

Have another wedding?

As I make bridal favors, I imagine using them in my own wedding. The insight gives me true feeling whether I love it enough to use it myself - then I know I have something special for someone else.

http://bridalblog.bridalletter.com

This is the one I love and would put on my wedding reception tables. SWEET!

After divorce, it is much scarier to consider remarrying sometime after that. None of us want to fail again or pick the wrong person. I have a comfortable life and the thought of somehow potentially disrupting that just feels wrong. I look at wedding stuff all the time. I can feel the urges of that sweet innocent feeling to just love and cherish and pick out all these wonderful flowers, cakes, dresses and shoes. It is amazing how new and different a wedding is today compared to the early 90's. So much more about the bride and groom, so elegant and special. I love watching the wedding shows, I even cry sometimes.

What is the hold/scare? Failure a second time around. Fear of big conflicts that could destroy the relationship. Changes within oneself that separate the couple. Can I do everything I want to do during the second half of my life or will I feel restrictions or limitations and that draining away of some dreams? Is the Mayan calendar right? If the end of the world is in 2012 do I want to stick with my comfort zone or venture outward more.

The main point is there are questions, unknowns and conflicts to handle at some point but when the love, closeness and happiness outweigh the unknowns - then I think remarrying is worth the thought and maybe the plan towards a set date.

Bliss 5 ways to Have it Again

BLISS 5 WAYS TO HAVE IT AGAIN

Midlife crisis has a way of smashing bliss into a millon broken pieces.

A broken chocolate candy bar is my bliss example. Notice there are big pices and litte ones, crumbs and irregular shapes. There is space between them both great and short distances too. Chocolate tastes good to most people some people wouldn't touch it. Some people can't eat it, could cause diabetic shock to the system. Some people eat bad things when they feel bad, some can eat just a few pieces at a time and then do something else.

Find your bliss again. You want to feel satisfied about yourself, your home, your life, your job, your loved ones, your religion or spirituality or independent views and your interests/hobbies. Midlife tends to bury that under a pile of dirt for a while. Your only interpretation of the picture at this point is the fact that the bar is broken and you may feel broken.

1. Focus on yourself first. This is your self review time so you can think about the issues, analyze what is causing you to feel broken down. What are you missing?

2. Pick one thing you feel is the most important to you right this minute. This will vary for each person. When you engage yourself in this one thing (can be a person) you will focus on it alone, the deficient areas and start looking for the solutions to fill that void in a satisfying, healthier way. This is your foundation step to build on. Think about the parts that make you happy or what made you feel good about it in the passed. Now you need to add new reasons and ways this thing (or person) can make you happy today and into the future. If you need to add something else into it, such as sharing it with others that like the same thing. Make it into a craft or an event or just write about it.

3.  Now pick something bigger to work on. Preferably the surroundings at home or your job (if unhappy for any reason) If a place is affecting you on a very deep and intimate level on a daily basis you get sucked in by the negativity. For people that are Visual learners, visualize the place in your mind to be exactly the way you really want it to be. Do that as often as you can til you start to see the changes happening. The idea is to dissolve the negative feelings, affects and surroundings. For other types of learners, just begin dropping all negative thoughts and statements and restate them in a positive form. STOP every negative. Others will change or the environment will change on their own. I love Joel Osteen's quote, "be a rose among the weeds..."  This is your goal.

4. Pick a new hobby or interest to enjoy. One of the things that happens to us is we lose interest in the things we used to enjoy doing. Now is the time to find something new. You can look into your childhood, something your friend does that you admire or read through some articles or online searches. Thirst for knowledge? Great time to go to college. Online is great for someone like me, but to get yourself out around others if you have the time for traditional classes, then do that. This can lead to a new line of work if you found yourself unable to continue with a current employer.

5. Earning your bliss - the reward. Feeling internal satisfaction on an ongoing basis means you worked hard to get your bliss back again. The other "pieces" should start to fall into place again too. You can now shower the ones close to you with your love and new found self. The reality is sometimes we change so much, we end our current relationships and start new ones. Do this only if you feel strongly you are unwilling to remain with your spouse or partner. Usually when you truly run through these steps, even if you pushed them away during the onset of the midlife crisis; you feel better about them again now. Spending that time looking at the why you love them is what will tell you if you can or cannot.

New hairstyle to freshen up my spirit

From this --->



to Spectacular highlights and a little style from Anna at Casa Bella Salon. Love this place.

When my hair gets too dark, I feel darker. Now I feel up for taking on the world!
To make yourself feel better, do not go to a quickie chop shop, spend the extra cash and enjoy a pampering session in a hair salon that takes their time. It is an opportunity to develop a new friendship with your hair stylist too. So get yourself ready for some conversation. If you have been spending too much time at home dealing with your downward feelings, this is truly an easy way to slip back into the people world and feel good about yourself to. Motivation will follow...

Funny about foods and ingredients like MSG

As we all get older and think more about what we eat as we border on a fine line between healthy and 1 in 3 getting cancer; I want to talk about MSG. It really is not just in Chinese foods. It is in a large number of everyday products we use.





One site I feel has some unbiased facts is http://www.msgtruth.org/
I can relate to the one time I experienced an instant migraine headache, but I didn't know until I found this site that ibuprofen can block that triggered affect.

Another important factor, have your children take Advil prior to immunizations, see the link to read the full details and why. I wish I knew about this many years ago, I always had a fear about them developing autism following any one immunization.

The reason I am bringing this subject about MSG is because my boyfriend has experienced a much more extreme reaction to it. Since this has happened exactly the same way 4 different times. The common or same things that occurred are: he had a high level of alcohol in his system (beer). The food had a certain amount of MSG or other type of preservative in it. He took 3 bites, got non-stop hiccups, immediately threw up and had a sore throat to follow. This was steakburgers from a mail order company two different times and this last time was chicken marinated in Italian dressing that contained a preservative and it was a brand we don't normally use.  He doesn't seem to experience it every time but with the two toxins together - MSG and toxic level of alcohol - he gets that reaction.

We plan to watch those labels a little closer too next time we go shopping.

From Breaking Point to New Opportunities Realized

Reading the article in Time, I can tell I am like many others myself. I have always seen opportunity in situations or ideas and I think that helps me through any possible stagnant moments.

"Many feel that along the way, while they were getting their promotion or having their kids or managing their households, they set aside something important that they want to retrieve..." (time.com, Gibbs) Midlife means it is time to stop and do for ourselves or help others now.

 Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1059032-3,00.html#ixzz1FNK20DQC

The Breaking Point: How Female Midlife Crisis Is Transforming Today's Women, which suggests that the national conversation is about to have a hot flash. — Sue Shellenbarger.

I have had an additional restriction that I have turned into a new type of opportunity. I have had an injury for nearly a year now limiting many aspects of my life and yes adding to the downward pull of a crisis time. I have learned about blogging, attended the Blogging Summit 2011 in February and gained a greater understanding for why and how useful it is today. It is a great avenue to further share information and help others. Take something you love or want to expand on and start your own blog. It is beneficial as an outlet and eventually, people will find and follow you. Reach out to others and offer up your expertise, images, videos and resources you find along the way.

My other hobby, Stampinup/scrapbooking. My creative outlet is now unleashed once again. I did have to wait til after my education was complete. I have two blogs for this hobby:  http://www.bridalletter.blogspot.com/ and http://www.mybabyshowershop.blogspot.com/.

Go from breaking point to a newly realized opportunity you may have kept quiet for years. What is holding you back now? The answer should be nothing. Enjoy your time, your hobby or interest or dream. It is time for you. If you don't know what you want, then it will be a part of your self-discovery.

Resources:

Gibbs, Nancy. Midlife Crisis? Bring it on. 5/8/05.
Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1059032,00.html#ixzz1FNITorUI

How Did I Get Here?

I arrived in midlife crisis on Jan 9th, 2011 on my 40th birthday. Right along with my newly acquired B.A. degree in paralegal studies from Everest University on that same day. Was it creeping up a little before that? Yes I think so.

Married and divorced once, with a son that is 16 (not driving yet - otherwise this would be a much Bigger Crisis Time) and a daughter age 14 (the age you are terrifed to let them have access to the internet and boys).

I have worked for the same comany for over three years, but I find corporate America is hard on a person's morale. It is best to remind oneself it is business, not personal and it helps keep it all in perspective. I like my pay, benefits and some of the people I work with. I am always working on businesses that may allow me to stay away from corporate choas down the road.

I think this is the motto to guide us through the fog. “You will not expend energy on denial, survival, or suppression, but you will gain energy from insight, evolution, and expression…from being authentic. The energy that fuels an extraordinary life is harnessed from within your heart.” Living Forward at Midlife
by Suzanne Zoglio, Ph.D http://www.soulfulliving.com/living_forward_midlife.htm
Soulfulliving.com is a resource site filled with experts in the field of midlife crisis.

My boyfriend of nearly four years has already experienced the great PUSH from me. I recently tried very hard to end it and make him leave. He held strong as he normally does. I am sure he had no idea it was more me then him. Although I had some valid reasons about him too. Many woman make a more grave mistake of affairs or going wild suddenly. I don't feel the need to do that. I had my wild time after my divorce and before committing to my boyfriend, John. He talks about marriage, I still feel very uneasy about it. "Been there, done that." Not seeing enough reason to do it again and not an area I feel the need to make another mistake in.

I am still in it of course. I lost my father in 2005 to stomach cancer. My mother is still here, so glad. She is 72, has her own home and handling my two difficult siblings. She has many medical things she has to fight all the time, but amazing strong woman. None of us want to be without our parents, but this is the age we begin to near that loss. It's no wonder midlife crisis overwhelms our lives and thoughts at times. Pretty soon, I will experience the empty nest; but that will be another story.

Stubborn Teenagers - 16 and 14

Stubborn Teenagers, what a frustrating experience! As I searched online for a quick solution, I found most articles only selling the information or just repeating what others have already said. I think it is funny, they all seem to start out as "the teenage years are a difficult time..." No really? I think most of us have figured that part out already, thus the reason for searching for solutions.



My son is in 10th grade, was doing well, getting decent grades and then got into a class he quickly realized he couldn't understand and couldn't get out of. He quietly made his own decision to just not do the work at all and fail the class. When checking the grades online, I found the F, discussed it with him and the teacher had emailed me almost the same day to state his problems and her willingness to work with him.

Problem: he is set on not doing the work or learning it. He has disengaged himself since we took the cell phone away and gaming systems (normal thing to do when child is spending hours on that and failing a class, which they regain those things once the grade is passing.) Right after taking the "lifelines away" he had an immediate panic attack and we had an ER visit.

Shortly after that, he took the game systems out of his room himself. On another night he took a lot of stuff out of his room to put it in the trash. In between those times, he refuses to eat at times. Although I have heard him eat later or the next morning. I also laid off of expecting him to sit down at the table for now. Hoping that would take the fire out of his refusal technique.

Some websites say this is the crisis point, so I am searching for a child psychologist and a tutor to help him mentally and to pass the class. I will give an update on this one as soon as I have more feedback and hopefully get passed this frustration.

Help Me Martha Stewart Organize my cluttered house!

I wish for a couple of days, Martha Stewart would come to my house and put everything in its place! How amazing it would be to know where everything is. No searching or digging through deep piles or stacked boxes of paperwork or craft stuff. I am worn out from the building chaos of stuff, the clothing I think I still want to wear, but truly have not. I would like to be able to walk through the entire garage without stepping over something or opening both doors. I would like to part with some of the memorable items too.

I think it is time to fully and completely grab hold of the internal chaos and organize it all to enjoy a more peaceful, uncluttered lifestyle.

There are many articles, books, ebooks and free information on the Internet for all of us. You just have to be willing to do it. For me, that is following my upward climb from a midlife crisis fall.

(picture found on herecomesthestork.com/blog/page/4/  but I am not sure where Heather found it)

Some Organizational Happy Article Links
Article/blog "50 Ways to Make your home more organized, more attractive, and more efficient by Dustin Wax.
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/50-ways-to-make-your-home-more-organized-more-attractive-and-more-efficient.html#

Maybe some printable items like a calendar, lined paper, or household notebook. Cynthia Ewer may have a form to help you. http://organizedhome.com/printable


I like this site, it has a link to each article covering different parts of your home like the garage, adding storage to a room or "helping a pack rat get organized". I think Paul Holstein's website has a whole lot to offer all of us in the unorganized category. http://www.lifeorganizers.com/cm_articles/88_the_organized_home.html  My favorite out of that pack rat article, "#4.RECOGNIZE CLUTTER. As a rule, if you don't use it or enjoy it, its' nothing more than clutter. If you don't know what it is, it's clutter. If it's too nice to use, it's clutter. Toss it or give it to someone who will use it and appreciate it. Maria Garcia, I love your article and if I list too much here, let me know. I give full credit for your useful information. One thing I never thought of til I just now saw it, "#9. PICTURE IT!  Take a picture of the possession, keep it in a scrapbook. This is perfect, I am trying this one out this weekend. I hope it means I can get rid of a much larger number of items now.

men have to deal with a woman's crisis too

http://surviveyourwifesmidlifecrisis.com/?gclid=CLfYyNDojKcCFdLLKgodxU9hdA

Link to purchase information how a husband can better handle his wife’s midlife crisis. Get the 1^st chapter for free.

My review of that first chapter: You can tell very quickly the experiences are coming directly from me. This is a very dramatic time and will take a tremendous amount of patience, understanding and tolerance of changes. There are some bonuses with purchasing this ebook, but I think it is useful to get both people through the midlife crisis in one piece.

This book is by Midlife coach – Christine schaap